1 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:30,000 Well, apparently that is classed as prostitution. 2 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:30,900 Right. 3 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,200 Come on, get to work. 4 00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,140 We're being inspected by mystery shopper today. 5 00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:35,333 That might be him. 6 00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:36,200 Stop. 7 00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,833 We're the price fun police. 8 00:00:37,933 --> 00:00:38,933 To intolerance 9 00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:40,267 No, what are you going to do? 10 00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:41,100 Arrest me? 11 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,033 We're not actually the police. 12 00:00:43,133 --> 00:00:45,667 But I am a real phone. 13 00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:46,567 Really? 14 00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,667 I like your shoes. 15 00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:48,600 Thank you. 16 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,500 Understated, I think. 17 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:54,367 - Are you an SI 600 Smartphone? - Yes. 18 00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:56,133 What's your best features? 19 00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:58,100 Um, I know this. 20 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,600 Something about a price plan. 21 00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:02,300 I have buttons. 22 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,267 I ring. 23 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:04,100 I'm going to have to check that. 24 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:04,733 What's your number? 25 00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:05,633 What? 26 00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,733 My natural number? 27 00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,076 You don't work for the phone place? 28 00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,300 I work in that office building. 29 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,733 Watching you all morning, not in a creepy way. 30 00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,100 So, have your number? 31 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,000 My number? 32 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,433 Her number? 33 00:01:17,533 --> 00:01:18,533 Yeah. 34 00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:27,333 Beg? 35 00:01:27,433 --> 00:01:29,667 Please ring me. 36 00:01:29,767 --> 00:01:31,233 Oh, no. 37 00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:32,000 Meg. 38 00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:32,933 Nick. 39 00:01:33,033 --> 00:01:34,467 Nick. 40 00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:37,967 Never dated a phone before, but do phones eat dinner? 41 00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:39,633 Yeah, we love dinner. 42 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,300 - Tonight? - Tonight? 43 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,800 Well, I mean I was supposed to be 44 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,976 staying in and looking at photos of cats on the internet. 45 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,467 But, OK, then. 46 00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:48,200 See you later then. 47 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:49,400 Get back to work. 48 00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:50,500 I will. 49 00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:55,733 Pinch me. 50 00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:57,200 Ow! Bunny. 51 00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:58,643 I can't believe that we are the ones who 52 00:01:58,667 --> 00:01:59,909 are dressed like stripper grams and you're the one 53 00:01:59,933 --> 00:02:01,200 who is getting the date. 54 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:03,233 Maybe he's into phone sex. 55 00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,067 I've been dying to say that. 56 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,633 Well, I mean, he's obviously not shallow. 57 00:02:07,733 --> 00:02:08,843 I could be anything under here. 58 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,867 I could have a willy or three tits. 59 00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:12,133 Or no tits. 60 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,967 Imagine that. 61 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,533 Who's go is it in the phone? 62 00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:18,733 I felt a tad itchy in that suit this morning. 63 00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:19,933 Oh, shit. 64 00:02:20,033 --> 00:02:22,000 Maybe I've got my scabies back again. 65 00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,140 Sorry, you say you've got? 66 00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:23,967 Scabies. 67 00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:25,400 It's a bit like lice. 68 00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,300 Right, well, is it contagious? 69 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,067 What are you saying long words at me for? 70 00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:30,667 Right, I want to get out now. 71 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:36,067 Hi ya, Janet. 72 00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:37,633 Hi ya, Laura. 73 00:02:37,733 --> 00:02:38,633 Hi, Laura. 74 00:02:38,733 --> 00:02:39,567 Hi, Laura. 75 00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:40,667 Hi, sweetheart. 76 00:02:40,733 --> 00:02:41,600 How are you? 77 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,033 Your usual, is it? 78 00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:45,267 No, not the morning after pill. 79 00:02:45,367 --> 00:02:47,333 I think the scabies is back, Janet. 80 00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:49,733 Well, let's have a look. 81 00:02:49,833 --> 00:02:50,833 Yep. 82 00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,333 That's scabies. 83 00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:55,100 Those are all mites laying all their eggs under your skin. 84 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,200 Is it an STD or something? 85 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:57,933 Can be. 86 00:02:58,033 --> 00:02:59,200 It's very contagious. 87 00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:01,000 You can just get it from sharing clothes. 88 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,333 Do you want the cream in case? 89 00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:03,067 Yeah. 90 00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:04,900 I might have caught it. 91 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,000 $14.99 92 00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:08,967 I haven't got it. 93 00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:11,200 Lord, you poor love. 94 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:12,867 Take this on the house. 95 00:03:12,967 --> 00:03:14,667 You're such a good customer. 96 00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:15,876 Come back if you need any more. 97 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:16,900 Thanks, Janet. 98 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:21,767 Chin up, love. 99 00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,167 I don't feel very well either. 100 00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:29,933 Oh, what's the matter, love? 101 00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:32,067 I think I've got depression. 102 00:03:32,167 --> 00:03:33,900 Since when? 103 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,100 OK, well, have you got any symptoms? 104 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,467 I don't have any motivation and I 105 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:43,700 feel very sad and hopeless and sometimes I want 106 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:49,000 to harm myself and/or others. 107 00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:58,000 Leave it a couple of days. 108 00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,900 Come back if you don't feel any better. 109 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,567 I will. 110 00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,900 Oh, bye girls. 111 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:05,833 Bye, Laura. 112 00:04:05,933 --> 00:04:07,467 See you, Laura. 113 00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:09,487 Can you fetch me the disinfectant, please, Anita? 114 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,400 Not doing very well at work? 115 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,733 Yes. 116 00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:16,700 Difficulties at home? 117 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:17,800 Yes. 118 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:19,633 Google is not a doctor. 119 00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:22,767 It's the NHS web site, so in a way it is. 120 00:04:22,867 --> 00:04:24,243 Do I find it hard to make decisions? 121 00:04:24,267 --> 00:04:25,133 I don't know. Do I? 122 00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:26,400 You just bored. 123 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,176 You're being really mean to me considering I 124 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,233 might have a clinical illness. 125 00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:32,133 It's telling me to call an ambulance now. 126 00:04:32,233 --> 00:04:33,867 Hey, I'm the sick one. 127 00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:35,667 Can you rub this on my back? 128 00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:36,567 I can't. 129 00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:37,667 I'm too depressed. 130 00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:40,267 God, this place is like a walk in center. 131 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:43,433 That cream smells of petrol and not in a good way. 132 00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,900 Bloody hell, I want to go out tonight. 133 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,100 Should you really be going out with scabies? 134 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,480 Reckon I can cover up the smell. 135 00:04:49,533 --> 00:04:50,933 So are you going to tell Gary you've 136 00:04:51,033 --> 00:04:52,500 got a contagious infection? 137 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,333 No. 138 00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:54,967 He'll think I've cheated on him. 139 00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:56,067 Have you? 140 00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:57,467 Well, yeah, but. 141 00:04:57,567 --> 00:04:58,909 Well, you're going to have to tell that guy as well. 142 00:04:58,933 --> 00:05:00,200 No. It just says your partner. 143 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,800 I don't think scabies mites only lay eggs 144 00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,133 when you're properly going out. 145 00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:06,967 So I've got to tell them all then? 146 00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,067 Oh. 147 00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:09,200 Can I borrow your phone? 148 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,800 I haven't got enough credit for that. 149 00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:17,033 So, how are you feeling about your hot date, Meg? 150 00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:18,467 Confidant. 151 00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:20,343 He knows I'm currently employed as a jumbo telephone 152 00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:21,700 and he still wants to meet me. 153 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,867 So I'm guessing his standards are pretty low. 154 00:05:23,967 --> 00:05:28,033 OK, so, have you ever read "Weapons of Mass Seduction"? 155 00:05:28,133 --> 00:05:30,600 No, but I ordered it online along with my whip 156 00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:32,000 and handcuffs. 157 00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:33,000 Sarcasm. 158 00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,100 That's what it says. 159 00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:35,267 Men hate that. 160 00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:36,033 Oh, yeah. 161 00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:39,067 Because I'm too sarcastic. 162 00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:40,167 I see what you mean. 163 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,300 What else does it say? 164 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,100 Men like dating versions of themselves. 165 00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,067 Ooh, wicked. 166 00:05:44,167 --> 00:05:45,209 Can I wear my trouser suit? 167 00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:46,400 No, darling. 168 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:47,633 Rule number one. 169 00:05:47,733 --> 00:05:49,900 Match his opinions. 170 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,367 Also, order something exotic to eat 171 00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:56,467 and you will be at first base before dessert, Meg. 172 00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,267 First base as in holding hands. 173 00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:00,176 You're not really supposed to kiss on the first date, 174 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,233 are you? - No. 175 00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:03,100 It's everything but, isn't it, Laura? 176 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,600 Don't do dates. 177 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:06,900 You see, if I really like him, I will give him a blowie. 178 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:07,833 Yeah. 179 00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:09,433 I'm not really a fan of those. 180 00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:10,167 Oh, God. 181 00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:12,167 Bet you're all teeth. 182 00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:13,867 You just haven't met the right cock yet. 183 00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,900 Some cocks are just very suckable. 184 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:16,900 You want to dive right in. 185 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,333 Yeah. 186 00:06:18,433 --> 00:06:20,076 I think we're getting a little bit ahead of ourselves. 187 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,767 Plus I might have skin lice soon. 188 00:06:21,867 --> 00:06:22,900 OK. 189 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,143 Definitely don't mention the scabies. 190 00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:25,000 That's not in the book. 191 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,200 That's just my opinion. 192 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,467 Which I agree with. 193 00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:28,967 Rule number one. 194 00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:29,900 Well done. 195 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,000 I love date training. 196 00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:32,500 I'm so excited. 197 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,333 Yet, so depressed. 198 00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:37,033 Maybe I'm bipolar. - Hi. 199 00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:37,967 It's Laura. 200 00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:39,167 You got scabies. 201 00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:41,000 Bye. 202 00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:41,900 Hi ya, it's Laura. 203 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:43,000 You got scabies. 204 00:06:43,033 --> 00:06:44,833 Bye. 205 00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,233 Hi ya, it's Laura. 206 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:53,533 Uh, so, what's your favorite swear word? 207 00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,733 Cock. 208 00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:58,833 I like cock. 209 00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:01,700 Bit forward for a first date. 210 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,700 Yes, what I mean is, the penis based swear words are good. 211 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,933 Ah, right. 212 00:07:07,033 --> 00:07:09,633 What's your favorite lady another word? 213 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:10,733 Beaver. 214 00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:11,933 Beaver's good. 215 00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:13,033 I like minge. 216 00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:22,833 It's not the best one though obviously. 217 00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:24,300 Oh, yeah, right. 218 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,833 That was my favorite one. 219 00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:27,200 Shall I say it? 220 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,676 - No, please don't say it. - I'm going to say it. 221 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:29,700 Please don't say it. No. 222 00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:30,733 Don't say it. 223 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,800 Cunt. 224 00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:38,367 What? 225 00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:42,167 Oh, you're not one of those? 226 00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:44,267 Oh, come on. - Sorry. 227 00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,233 I just really hate that word. 228 00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,333 Salmon? 229 00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:50,833 And oysters. 230 00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:55,000 Oysters. 231 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,033 You're brave. 232 00:07:57,133 --> 00:07:59,533 Well, I'm very exotic, you see. 233 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,600 Nice? 234 00:08:11,633 --> 00:08:12,633 Hmm. 235 00:08:15,967 --> 00:08:17,009 Did you just spit that out? 236 00:08:17,033 --> 00:08:19,933 No. 237 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,467 That's how you're supposed to do it. 238 00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:57,333 So where do you live? 239 00:08:57,433 --> 00:08:58,233 Heddingly. 240 00:08:58,333 --> 00:08:59,933 Me too. 241 00:09:00,033 --> 00:09:02,867 I live with my mental ex-boyfriend. 242 00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:03,800 Shall I change the subject? 243 00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:04,900 Yeah. 244 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:10,667 So my friend Laura has this infection. 245 00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:11,767 What kind of infection? 246 00:09:11,867 --> 00:09:13,767 Well, it's been like lice. 247 00:09:13,867 --> 00:09:16,433 You sort of like tiny little mites 248 00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:20,000 and they burrow under your skin and they lay eggs. 249 00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,700 And there's this like really inflamed rash. 250 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,367 And the best bit was when we were in the pharmacy. 251 00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:30,333 And sorry, can you just stop pouring water all the time? 252 00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:34,633 I've just had one glass of water, which he poured. 253 00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:36,033 I'm adequately hydrated. 254 00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:37,767 Sorry. Just doing my job. 255 00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:38,867 Well do it better. 256 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,767 Where was I? 257 00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:46,500 I might be getting scabies any day now is what I'm saying. 258 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:47,300 What? 259 00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,233 It's not an STD necessarily. 260 00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:50,867 It can be sexually transmitted. 261 00:09:50,967 --> 00:09:53,933 But I didn't want to say that because I 262 00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:58,533 didn't know whether we were going to or not. 263 00:09:58,633 --> 00:09:59,433 Do you want the bill? 264 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:00,533 Yeah. 265 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,467 Princess Di called. 266 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:09,933 Wants her suit back. 267 00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:12,033 This is your fault by the way. 268 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:13,813 If you didn't have scabies, I wouldn't even 269 00:10:13,867 --> 00:10:15,067 have been talking about it. 270 00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:17,733 I told you specifically not to talk about it. 271 00:10:17,833 --> 00:10:19,033 Should you even be out, Laura? 272 00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:20,633 I put makeup over the top. 273 00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:22,200 It's not like anybody knows. 274 00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:24,033 How much perfume have you got on? 275 00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:25,267 It's air freshener. 276 00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:28,500 Men of Leeds are in for a treat tonight. 277 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,700 God, is this place even worth the wait? 278 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:31,900 It'll cheer you up. 279 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,900 I've seen some right 'uns going in. 280 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,000 See? 281 00:10:38,733 --> 00:10:39,600 Uh. 282 00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,467 - Don't, Meg. - No. 283 00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:42,700 He can't do that. 284 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,500 You can't do that. 285 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,433 Excuse me. 286 00:10:45,533 --> 00:10:46,767 There is a queue. 287 00:10:46,867 --> 00:10:48,743 You can't just swarm up to the front, and ooh, I'm macho. 288 00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,000 I'm the lead wanker. 289 00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,167 No it doesn't work like that. 290 00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:54,100 Actually, we're just here for a private party. 291 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,033 And I'm not from Leeds. 292 00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:57,033 I'm from Bingley. 293 00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:57,933 As you were. 294 00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,133 Eddie's party, hey? 295 00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:01,067 In you go, mate. 296 00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:02,800 Actually we're here for that party too. 297 00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:03,733 Who's? 298 00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:05,000 Eddie's. 299 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:07,067 Just go through to the function room, huh? 300 00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,167 We're gate crashing. 301 00:11:12,267 --> 00:11:14,333 This is what gate crashing feels like. 302 00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:16,367 I feel so alive. 303 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,300 Hi. 304 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,033 Hi. 305 00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:19,033 Hi, there. 306 00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:20,467 We're hear for Eddie. 307 00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:21,400 Free drinks? 308 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:22,167 Get in. 309 00:11:22,267 --> 00:11:23,133 Oh, yes, buffet. 310 00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:24,800 I'm starving. 311 00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:25,900 Boom. 312 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,067 What's that cake? - It's a quiche. 313 00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:35,976 Is everybody looking at us? 314 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,000 No. 315 00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:39,533 I think we're blending in. - Oh. 316 00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:40,267 I'm bored. 317 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,767 Isn't here. 318 00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,267 We need to stay for at least as long as the free drinks 319 00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:45,200 last. 320 00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,580 I really need to scratch my ass. 321 00:11:46,633 --> 00:11:48,767 Just don't attract any attention. 322 00:11:48,867 --> 00:11:50,143 We need come up with a back story 323 00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,033 like, we were a short film with Eddie. 324 00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:53,700 Right, because he's an actor now. 325 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,200 What a terrible idea. 326 00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:58,167 Let's just not talk to anybody. 327 00:11:58,267 --> 00:11:59,400 Hi. 328 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,540 Weren't you the girl who shouted at me in the queue? 329 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,500 Sorry. 330 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,900 My mistake. 331 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,867 So, how do you know Eddie? 332 00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:07,867 Meg went to university with him. 333 00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:08,967 Oh, right. 334 00:12:09,033 --> 00:12:10,133 Did you do maths? 335 00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:11,300 Yes, she did. 336 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,633 You're the brainbox, then are you? 337 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,600 Yes. 338 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,833 It's not just adding up and taking away. 339 00:12:17,933 --> 00:12:19,233 No. 340 00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:23,600 It's angles, it's fractions, it's finding the root. 341 00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,400 Well, I'm Eddie's brother. 342 00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:26,933 I visited him a couple of times. 343 00:12:27,033 --> 00:12:28,667 I remember you little pi animals. 344 00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:31,167 Yeah, well, that's maths. 345 00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:34,733 Let's just say we're very good at dividing our time. 346 00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:36,533 Amazing. 347 00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:37,800 Barnie, by the way. 348 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:38,900 Meg. 349 00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:40,600 I'm surprised we never met. 350 00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:41,533 Weird. 351 00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,933 So what do you do? 352 00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:45,100 I'm an accountant. 353 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,067 Like Eddie? 354 00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:47,167 Exactly. 355 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:01,933 Ah, yes. 356 00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:03,767 I love the animal game. 357 00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:08,333 Oh, You look a bit like a swan. 358 00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:09,933 The only bird with a penis? 359 00:13:10,033 --> 00:13:12,067 Well, no female swan. 360 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,733 What would Eddie's animal be? 361 00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:15,733 Eddie. 362 00:13:15,833 --> 00:13:17,800 Bird of prey? 363 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:18,900 Yeah. Yeah. 364 00:13:18,933 --> 00:13:20,093 He looks a bit like an eagle. 365 00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,300 Eddie the Eagle. 366 00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:29,533 Barney? 367 00:13:29,633 --> 00:13:30,900 You OK? 368 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,500 Yeah. Good. 369 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,633 Sorry. 370 00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:35,900 I just miss him so much. 371 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,000 Why did he have to go and kill himself? 372 00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:00,967 OK. 373 00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:03,400 I'm just going to get you some tissues. 374 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:04,400 Yeah. 375 00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:05,500 Sorry. 376 00:14:17,633 --> 00:14:19,500 Laura, listen to me. 377 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,933 Eddie is dead. 378 00:14:21,033 --> 00:14:23,467 You are dancing at a wake. 379 00:14:23,567 --> 00:14:25,033 Oh, right, got you. 380 00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:36,867 I am in touch with my emotions so I have been able to self 381 00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:39,133 diagnose acute depression. 382 00:14:39,233 --> 00:14:40,400 Bunny can I have a word? 383 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,733 Actually, Meg. 384 00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:43,543 I'm having a very serious conversation about my illness. 385 00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:45,876 Meg doesn't think that I have anything to be depressed about, 386 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:47,109 that I'm just attention seeking. 387 00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:49,267 I really need to talk to you. 388 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:54,767 Listen to me. 389 00:14:54,867 --> 00:14:55,667 I found something out. 390 00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:57,033 It's pretty bad. 391 00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:58,676 It wasn't my fault. How was I supposed to know he 392 00:14:58,700 --> 00:14:59,500 was under age. 393 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,300 OK, not that. 394 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,700 This party we're at, the one we've gatecrashed, 395 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,900 Eddie's party. 396 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,600 Oh, he's not worth it, love. 397 00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:08,500 Shh! 398 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:09,800 Listen to me. 399 00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:13,667 Eddie is fucking dead, killed himself. 400 00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:15,500 What? Just now? 401 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,567 No, we're at a wake. 402 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,500 Oh, my god. 403 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,133 Eddie, why? 404 00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:22,467 Oh, poor Eddie. 405 00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:23,600 Who we didn't know. 406 00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:24,976 Oh, I've been asking where he is all night. 407 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,600 Whoopsie. - Right we have to leave. 408 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,500 No. 409 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,467 I think we should stay. 410 00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:29,967 And pay our respects. 411 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,809 Plus, it would be really good for me to be around 412 00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:34,600 so many depressed people. 413 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:35,800 Are you trying to cry? 414 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:39,667 Oh, God it's Nick from the date. 415 00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:40,867 What does he want? 416 00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:43,000 Sorry I left so abruptly. 417 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,167 I completely overreacted. 418 00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:45,533 Do you want to meet tomorrow. 419 00:15:45,633 --> 00:15:47,533 Second date, high five. 420 00:15:47,633 --> 00:15:49,467 Meg, inappropriate. 421 00:15:49,567 --> 00:15:51,000 Let's get out of here. 422 00:15:53,867 --> 00:15:55,767 Meg. 423 00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:56,767 Been looking for you. 424 00:15:56,867 --> 00:15:58,600 Need to talk to you. 425 00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,033 Please don't leave me. 426 00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:03,133 I don't want to be alone, not tonight. 427 00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:05,967 Will you come home with me? 428 00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:07,100 Meg. 429 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,967 Bunny says she's not ready to go yet. 430 00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:10,633 Something about a tribute. 431 00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:12,800 No. 432 00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:20,900 Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. 433 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:31,200 That is how I know you, know 434 00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,033 I can't take much more of this. 435 00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:35,133 Let's go. 436 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,267 Meg. Meg. 437 00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,133 Don't go. 438 00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:42,933 Look, Meg, me and you tonight. 439 00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:44,133 It was meant to be. 440 00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:48,067 Come back to mine, please. 441 00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:49,407 It's what he would have wanted. 442 00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,367 For Eddie? 443 00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:02,467 Yeah. 444 00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:03,667 For Eddie. 445 00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,100 Let's get a cab. 446 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,367 Haven't got any money. 447 00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:08,300 You accountants, you're all the bloody same. 448 00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:12,467 At least he's taken sympathetic shag 449 00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:13,567 to the next level. 450 00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,767 Are you OK? 451 00:17:25,867 --> 00:17:27,033 Yeah. 452 00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,300 Are you thinking about Eddie? 453 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,233 No. 454 00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:31,633 Are you? 455 00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:33,233 Not anymore. 456 00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:35,900 You make all the pain go away. 457 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:36,900 Really? 458 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000 Must be pretty good then. 459 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,000 Please don't stop blowing me. 460 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,467 It'll set me off again. 461 00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:42,367 Nope? 462 00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:43,467 OK. 463 00:17:43,567 --> 00:17:44,467 Shh. 464 00:17:44,567 --> 00:17:45,567 Down we go. 465 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,433 Ah, yeah, you're amazing. 466 00:17:49,533 --> 00:17:50,533 Cheers. 467 00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,200 Oh, God, I'm going to come. 468 00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,533 I'm going to come for Eddie. 469 00:17:58,900 --> 00:17:59,900 Eddie! 470 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,533 Thank you. 471 00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:11,433 I could stay awake just to hear you breathing. 472 00:18:11,533 --> 00:18:14,633 You're incredible. 473 00:18:14,733 --> 00:18:16,367 I feel so much better. 474 00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:17,967 Cool. 475 00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:20,133 Awesome me. 476 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,867 Well, we can crack on again in a minute. 477 00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:25,833 Just going to call the girls. 478 00:18:25,933 --> 00:18:28,600 Let them know I'm not dead. 479 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:31,033 That was the wrong thing to say. 480 00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:35,100 But you are asleep anyway. 481 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,067 Don't want to close my eyes. 482 00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:43,100 I don't want to fall asleep cause I miss you, babe 483 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,100 and I don't want to miss a thing. 484 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,167 Because even when I dream of you. 485 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,000 Laura, I'm a legend. 486 00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,200 I found the right cock. 487 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,600 No, he's all over it. 488 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,533 I'm amazing at blow jobs. 489 00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:06,867 What can I say? 490 00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:07,967 No, he stopped crying. 491 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:11,500 I don't know. 492 00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:14,700 I think I've blown him back together. 493 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:15,633 Yeah, OK. 494 00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:16,867 Come and meet me. 495 00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:17,800 All right. 496 00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:18,733 I'll send you a drop in. 497 00:19:18,833 --> 00:19:19,833 Laters. 498 00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:23,767 Slut. 499 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,733 Oh, fuck. 500 00:19:36,833 --> 00:19:38,100 What? 501 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,933 Have you left this room? 502 00:19:40,033 --> 00:19:41,133 Has anybody seen you? 503 00:19:41,233 --> 00:19:42,867 Well, I've been to the toilet, but there 504 00:19:42,967 --> 00:19:43,967 was no one else in there. 505 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,267 We need to get you out of here. 506 00:19:45,367 --> 00:19:46,567 Well, good morning to you too. 507 00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:47,433 No, sorry. 508 00:19:47,533 --> 00:19:49,600 It's just, fuck! 509 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:50,776 I need to go check something. 510 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,367 Just stay here. 511 00:19:53,467 --> 00:19:54,676 Have to see if she's come back. 512 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:56,000 Who? 513 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,367 Stay here. 514 00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:59,433 OK, technically you are holding me hostage. 515 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,133 OK. 516 00:20:08,233 --> 00:20:10,500 So, Here's the plan. 517 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,933 You ready? - Yeah. 518 00:20:12,033 --> 00:20:13,100 All right. 519 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,209 I'm going to go downstairs and distract 520 00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:17,000 my housemate in the kitchen. 521 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:18,600 I need you to sneak past the kitchen, 522 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,367 get out the front door without being seen. 523 00:20:20,467 --> 00:20:21,843 Remember where the main door is, yeah? 524 00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:22,700 Uh, yes. 525 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,267 Excellent. 526 00:20:24,367 --> 00:20:25,200 OK. 527 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:26,576 I need you to wait on the landing. 528 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,800 Wait for my signal. 529 00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:28,700 We clear? 530 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,633 Yes. 531 00:20:29,733 --> 00:20:31,067 Copy. 532 00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:32,367 I've got butterflies. 533 00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:34,867 Let's go. 534 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,533 Wait. 535 00:20:36,633 --> 00:20:37,633 I didn't get your number. 536 00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:38,600 Yeah. 537 00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,333 I gave it to you last night. 538 00:20:40,433 --> 00:20:41,067 No, you didn't. 539 00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:42,533 I'm sure we did that. 540 00:20:42,633 --> 00:20:43,633 - No. - OK. 541 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,076 Let's just get you out of here, shall we? 542 00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:46,167 Oh wait. 543 00:20:46,267 --> 00:20:47,133 Definitely gave it to you last night. 544 00:20:47,233 --> 00:20:48,633 What's the signal? 545 00:20:48,733 --> 00:20:51,167 Oh, uh. 546 00:20:51,267 --> 00:20:52,600 OK. 547 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:53,700 Good luck. 548 00:21:57,500 --> 00:21:58,300 Meg! 549 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,833 Meg! 550 00:22:00,933 --> 00:22:02,733 This is definitely a low point. 551 00:22:02,833 --> 00:22:03,967 Good shag? 552 00:22:04,067 --> 00:22:06,500 I was good. 553 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:07,900 Hi, Janet. 554 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:08,900 Hi, Laura. 555 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,367 Hi, Laura. 556 00:22:10,467 --> 00:22:14,167 Can I have a morning after pill, some scabies cream, 557 00:22:14,267 --> 00:22:16,000 and three? 558 00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:17,400 Anything else? 559 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:20,500 Yeah, I think I might need some of that cream too. 560 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,767 Yep, you do. 561 00:22:21,867 --> 00:22:23,800 You'll have to inform any recent sexual partners. 562 00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:27,567 Well, if he's given me his number. 563 00:22:27,667 --> 00:22:28,700 How about you, love? 564 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:29,867 No, I'm fine now. 565 00:22:29,967 --> 00:22:31,700 I went to a wonderful wake last night. 566 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,067 I'm sorry, love. 567 00:22:40,367 --> 00:22:42,767 What a beautiful night that was. 568 00:22:42,867 --> 00:22:43,867 Feeling better? 569 00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,167 Yeah. 570 00:22:45,267 --> 00:22:46,943 As sad as it was, I really think going to a wake 571 00:22:46,967 --> 00:22:49,100 put things into perspective for me. 572 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,300 Yeah, makes you realize how fragile it all is. 573 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,300 You only get one go around. 574 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:55,567 No. 575 00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:57,676 I mean, because it made me realize how talented I am 576 00:22:57,700 --> 00:22:59,243 and what a gift I have for entertaining. 577 00:22:59,267 --> 00:23:01,367 I was the belle of the wake. 578 00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:03,233 You were the bell end of the wake. 579 00:23:06,267 --> 00:23:08,967 Oh. 580 00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:10,667 Are we doing the walk of shame? 581 00:23:10,767 --> 00:23:13,800 The stride of pride, Meg the stride of pride.